Funny rap lyrics & punchlines

I knocked out so many teeth, the tooth fairy went bankrupt

I'm Jay-Z on a bad day, Shakespeare on my worst days

When you’re not fed with a silver spoon you learn to lick it off a knife.

It's easy to make people think you’re a gangster. It’s hard to convince the feds you’re not.

I don’t represent the Democratic party or the Republican party. I represent the gangsta party.

Men lie, women lie, numbers don't

But real gangsta-ass niggas don't flex nuts, 'cause real gangsta-ass niggas know they got 'em

My emancipation don't fit your equation

Huh, cop pulled me over in my imported Porsche

He said, "This car must be a hundred K", I said, "You forty short" (I said you short)

Lord, I thank You for this man, but can You come back and get him?

Couldn't afford a car, so she named her daughter Alexis

You're mad 'cause my style you're admiring

Don't be mad, UPS is hiring (Woo!)

Coke like a caterpillar, I make butter fly

These cats drink champagne to toast death and pain

Like slaves on a ship talking about who got the flyest chain

'Cause if you go platinum, it's got nothing to do with luck

It just means that a million people are stupid as fuck

Can't burn his cross 'cause he can't afford the gasoline

Gettin' bread every day, I graduated from biscuits

I don't do karate, so why lil' shawty wanna kick it?

Nigga that bitch thicker than... peanut butter in the freezer

When I’m gettin’ introspective: that’s radio silence

When I’m fuckin’ up program directives: that’s radio violence

People sellin' drugs 'cause they can't find no job

Wonder if Christ made a million off of sellin' the cross

I scored 1.1 on my S.A.T.

And still push a whip with a right and left A.C

My weed is loud and you smokin' libraries (Damn)

Can't stand on business, I keep fallin' like Alicia Keys

We cannot be trusted with the stuff that we come up with

The machinery could eat us, we just really love our buttons, um

I chose money over fame, how I end up with 'em both?

He say, she say rumors all day

The rap game is high school and life's a hallway

You could put a lot of Auto-Tune on it and it’ll still be a sucky song.

I don't look for trouble, I'm already trouble

I was taught to act my shoe size, never my age

Some say I lucked up; I call it perfect timin' (Chyeah)

I told him, "Give up the dough, before you get smoked"

Oh you're broke? *gunshots* Now you're dead broke

I don’t want to close any of the doors needed to create the best product possible. But my ego is my drug.

Broken promises, steal your watch and tell you what time it is

Take your J's and tell you to kick it where a Foot Locker is

Place your bets, here's a mil', I invest in the real

Went from Netflix and chill to breakfast in Brazil

Seen half these niggas turn they back when rappers tried to come for me

Don't want them in my company just want to be a company

With my mind on my money and my money on my mind

Now the grown up Goliath nation

Holding open auditions for the part of David, can you feel it?

My soliloquy may be hard for some to swallow

But so is cod liver oil

I would hate me too if I had the same MySpace views as you

Crime pays no dental, nor medical

Unless you catch retirement, county, state or federal

I be killin' them shit in rap events

Big L is that nigga you expect

To catch wreck on any cassette deck

I'm so ahead of my time, my parents haven't met yet

I ignore a whore like an email from LinkedIn (Huh)

I’m on my Anna shit, that’s Wintour

I float like gravity, never had a cavity

Got more rhymes than the Winans got family

My sixth sense is kickin' in 'cause all I hear is people that are dead to me

And that's why I'm turnin' on my read receipts

Face card pretty, you know God don't like ugly

Rap snitches, tellin' all their business

Sit in the court and be their own star witness

I eat my steak fast, I drink my brew slow

If I had a dime for every rhymer's that bust guns

I'd have a cool mil' for my sons in trust funds

These hoes don't be mad at Megan, these hoes mad at Megan's Law

I never seen a star on a red rug

If I wanna see stars, I just look above

You be into rap beef 'cause you ain't never had beef

I ain't soup and salad, I'm souper salad

Like hmm, my mum don't know your mum, stop telling man you're my cousin

It's hard being brick and mortar creatures

My thoughts have to fit in phones and through computer speakers

I can't lie

You're a gem and I ain't even talking 'bout the star sign

You can build a bear, fuck it, I'm finna build a thot

Being broke is against my religion

Next line will have 'em like "woah"

I've been kissing white boys since 2004

Love at first sight, love at first scroll