Funny rap lyrics & punchlines: Page 2

I love you like a fat kid love cake

My filthy mouth, it won't fight cavities or beat plaque

So I shot the tooth fairy and put my old teeth back

My name is Short, my game is long

So now I'm fallin' out of love, feel like I need a parachute (Ayy)

Move the H on our block, in front of H&R block

She thinking Philippe, I'm think Chipotle (yeah)

Somebody give me a big yes (yes!)

God bless America, but she stole the B from Bless (and kept it)

So I live by two words: "Fuck you, pay me"

I am not Jasmine, I am Aladdin

The only two things that scare me are God and the IRS.

Oddly enough, I'm happy I ain't famous

Imagine waking up to the fact that you're simply entertainment

I bet God thinks you're amusing

Close your eyes and let the word paint a thousand pictures

One good girl is worth a thousand bitches

Only in America could you find a way to earn a healthy buck

And still keep your attitude on self-destruct

You play checkers, couldn't beat me playin' chess

You own my heart, he just rentin'

'Cause I go on blind dates with actual blind people (Ow)

He got ninety-nine problems and the biggest one is me (Yup)

Bitch, real G's move in silence like lasagna

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records (Nope)

Well, I do, so fuck him, and fuck you too

I don't chase 'em, I replace 'em

I take what I do very seriously, but it’s a lighthearted seriousness.

My rap career goes back further than your father hairline

It's ludicrous - I pack more nuts than Delta Airlines

Let's cram numbers, easily

The only rapper sold more dope than me was Eazy-E

How could you ever right these wrongs

When you don't even write your songs?

Yo, I speak at schools a lot cause they say I'm intelligent

No, it's cause I'm dope, if I was whack I'd be irrelevant

Money talks, if you speak Guap-anese

A language better known if you gettin cheddar homes

Everythin' your nigga want, I'm like a walkin' wishlist (Bardi)

I don't understand what this hate is about (Haha)

How you gon' suck yo' man dick with my name in yo' mouth? (Woo, woo, woo, woo)

I can't swim but I'm throwing pool parties

One of Mini-Me's shoes got more sole than you

When I die, fuck it, I wanna go to hell

'Cause I'm a piece of shit, it ain't hard to fuckin' tell

It don't make sense, goin' to heaven wit' the goodie-goodies

Dressed in white, I like black Timbs and black hoodies

I got a way with words, like I'm running with a phonics book

In school I didn't do the homework but I still got the subjects

Money ain't the object, money is the objective, gotta admit that

Poppin' Plan B's 'cause I ain't plan to be stuck with ya

A hero is a sandwich, and a Manwich is a meal

A marriage is a paper; are they fakin' or for real?

Welcome to the United Snakes

Land of the thief, home of the slave

Grand imperial guard where the dollar is sacred and power is God

Let's talk about sex, baby

Let's talk about you and me

I been gettin' at these coins as I'm breakin' down a brick

Made the jump to each level, Super Mario exists

Even Stevie Wonder wonder

Why yo baby mama call so much

Top of the mornin', my fist to your face is fuckin' Folgers

Cartier glasses, I won't even peek at you

Yellow Ferrari like Pikachu

Mami like athletes, I start to laugh again (What's good?)

Whats your last name, boo? Kardashian?

You want me to tell the truth, but when I do, it's too much for you.

I got two phones, one for the plug and one for the load

I got two phones, one for the bitches and one for the dough

Fuck it, I'd rather sell reefer than do pizza delivery

There are only three things I’m really afraid of in my life: bears, fire, and failing.

Fall the fuck back like a bike with no kickstand

America is the biggest gang in the world.

I feel like describing male friendships is zesty as hell

He wears a mask just to cover the raw flesh

A rather ugly brother with flows that's gorgeous

My girl pinched my hips to see if I still exist

It’s funny. I embrace it. A clone is, like, perfection. So if I look like a machine or a robot, then I’m doing something well.

Watch out for the medallion, my diamonds are reckless

Feels like a midget is hangin' from my necklace

Minus the bullshit, life's great

Dark Fantasy was my long, backhanded apology. You know how people give a backhanded compliment? It was a backhanded apology.

I wear these glasses so that I can look like a square

But if you ever see me in a fight with a bear

Don't help me nigga, help the bear!!

This year, I learnt how to take care of business

Next year, I'll learn how to play the guitar

Marlon Brando is not a gangster-actor, he's an actor.

A mouth full of gold teeth, they think a nigga dumb

I got a head full of dreads, think a nigga illiterate

But I know when I go to talk, a nigga'll reconsider it

So pick a B.C. date 'cause you're history

With so much drama in the L-B-C

It's kind of hard bein' Snoop D-O-double-G

Embarrassment the only thing I'm gettin' secondhand (Hahaha)

I'm Makaveli's offspring, I'm the King of New York

King of the Coast; one hand, I juggle 'em both