Funny rap lyrics & punchlines: Page 5

I could pull up in a bonnet

And still say them bitches is not it (Uh)

Sorry, I'm just bein' honest

Baby, I ain't bein' modest (Facts)

Since the face been revealed, game got real

Life is a beach, I'm just playing in the sand

You mad 'cause your daughter fuck with me on spring break

Well, I'ma fuck her till the springs break

I told her it's B.Y.O.B., that mean buy your own boobs

Your whole vocabulary's played out, admit it

Still whack if it came out my mouth and I spit it (Get on down)

Me and Top Dawg playin' rock-paper-scissors in court

A real hustler lose money just to go get some more

Compton and Long Beach together, now you know you in trouble

See cops, got two faces like two laces on my Reeboks

So while you imitating Al Capone

I'll be Nina Simone and defecating on your microphone

Do what you gotta do to pay your rent

Only party with lame niggas at they expense

We in a space where matter don't matter

Just spirit molecules and geometric patterns

This ain't no wholesale operation

Just a few eighths and some PlayStation's my vocation

I pose a threat to the nation

I haunt MCs like Mephistopheles, bringing swords of Damocles

You get around like a cab, now that's too bad

Everyone has been in you, isn't that sad?

Bodily you're vivacious? Don't make me laugh

Weight Watchers is waiting, here's a free pass

Try tell me I'm way too big to rebel? (What?)

Nah, man, you're never too big to rebel (What?)

Yes, I'm too cocky

My bitch broke up with me, it shocked me

I'm talkin' 'bout spare time in New York, I buy floor seats to watch the Knicks

And I don't even know no players

I don't open up her door, she open mine (Swang)

I'm a problem for Anthony Blair

Ooh! Jesus Christ had dreads, so shake em

I ain't got none, but I'm planning on growing some

Imagine all the Hebrews going dumb

Well, we don't believe you, you need more people

So, I typed a text to a girl I used to see

Sayin' that I chose this cutie pie with whom I wanna be

And I apologize if this message gets you down

Then I CC'ed every girl that I'd see-see 'round town

My mind runs, I could never catch it

Even if I got a head start

Why you ready to die? You just a baby

Takin' her spot (Grrah)

If you ain't cookin', then get off the pot

My name Ice, but I always stay hot

Dance contest for the smokers

I predict snow, Al Roker (If you know, you know)

I only ever looked up to Sosa

You all get a bird, this nigga Oprah

Double R, that's a Rolls

Paint it yellow like it's dairy

Please, think before you come for the great one

Don't gotta edit, check the Getty

I keep it real, I keep it sexy

Had a dream of eating lamb in the Lam'

I was born to shine, and most of y'all's borderline bullshit

You faker than some Sweet'N Low (Why?)

Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet?

Why did Judas rat to Romans while Jesus slept?

Eazy-E droptop call the car "roofless"

Dress like everyday sunny

Rolling weed like a Marley, smile like everything funny

Me without you, like Kathy no Regis

You said you hate me, but you love to watch me

I'm not saying I'm number one, uhh I'm sorry, I lied

I'm number one, two, three, four and five

How I go from ghosting you to makin’ that dick disappear? (Woah, woah, woah)

Damn, I said I spit like I'm the ghost of 'em

Name your top ten, I'm harder than the most of 'em

Matter fact, shorten your list, nigga, top five

Game, Biggie, Hov, probably Pac, Nas

Eat they raw sound, wash it down with a Mistic

Better yet a Snapple

Nigga want the juice, but he don't want the hassle

All of these O's I made off records I produced

I might take all my exes and put 'em all in a group

Living off borrowed time, the clock ticks faster

That'd be the hour they knock the slick blaster

Dick Dastardly and Muttley with sick laughter

I took big risks, now I'm a big fish

A billion dollars at the top of my to-do list

I'm like an eclipse on a Friday, the 13th

With black cats and Haley's Comet, blazin blunts in my driveway

You got no rap, but you want to battle

It's like having a boat, but you've got no paddle

Brand new shrink, had a breakthrough

Brand new mink for the great room (Yeah)

I'm rare like white running backs

These carrots on me is not for no rabbit food (Damn)

Surprise niggas like a blind date, L rhyme great

And I'ma increase the crime rate for old time's sake

Ayy, I set the bar, I'm the fuckin' bar

Look up in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane

It's the Funk Doctor Spot smoking buddha on a train

How high? So high that I can kiss the sky

Until you rob a hypebeast, you ain't seen sadness

Clockwork Orange madness, left the scene laughin'

Niggas ain't fit to walk a mile in the dead man's kicks

Been there, did it, shitted and wiped my ass wit' it

Bikinis, zucchinis, martinis, no weenies

Got you a college boy, who was worse than me

And he probably fucked the whole university

Look up in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane

What's that nigga's name? Captain Save a Hoe, mayne

But don't say my car's topless, say "the titties is out"