Funny rap lyrics & punchlines: Page 4

My résumé is real enough for two millennium

Amazed how I get so much paper

I'm more amazed how you could be such a hater

I love when people think I'm psychologically disturbed

'Cause it means I overloaded their neurological nerves

I got 99 problems, getting rich ain't one

I'm talkin down home smothered in gravy, Cool J be

Havin young ladies bustin like 380's

Some of y'all ain't writing well, too concerned with fashion

None of you ain't Giselle, cat walk and imagine

Lil' Kim not a whore

But I sex a nigga so good, he gotta tell his boys

Your mama got snakeskin teeth

I smoked a box of blunts for breakfast, ayy

And I woke up like Hugh Hefner, ayy

Ain't met a nigga who can handle me (Handle me)

I think I should be in museums

'Cause this body a masterpiece (Yuh, yuh)

Baby mama, I got several, several new hustles, a plethora

Cheddar, cheddar, parmesan, mozzarella, mozzarella

I been po' as Allan Edgar, never been a beggar, beggar

Even when I stood on corners and I served like Roger Federer

'Cause it's 1-8-7 on a undercover cop

Dragging my knuckles on the ground like an ape (Like an ape)

Tougher than a three-dollar steak (Dollar steak)

Feel free to hate 'cause I ain't tryna be your mate

Be serious, you wouldn't last an hour in my shoe (Woo)

Nah, kid, I didn't have the balls

That's when I realized I'm bumpin' too much Biggie Smalls

Got the block hot, cause I set it off

No I'm not Weezy, bitch, I'm wheezy from that chronic cough

I shoot videos and get knobs slobbed in trailers

Then hit stage and break a leg like Lawrence Taylor

Sometimes I like slim, sometimes I like thick

Sometimes I combine them and I like thim slick

Rolling Stones of the rap game, not bragging

Lips bigger than Jagger, not saggin'

You know what the Midwest is? Young and restless

And I'm out of this world like Tang, nigga

That's a space bar (Yeah), man, I hate y'all

AI re-creations of dead artists are being puppeteered by an executive. Who wants that shit?

Heaven's only four-feet tall, I set my ringer to it

Fucked your rapper homie, now his ass is making better music

Uh, why go from first class to coach?

Nine times out of ten, I'm the realest bitch you know

If you ain't want a pimp, then what you fucking with me for?

Whoopsie, made a oopsie

One-hundred thousand dollar "oops" made me loopy

I ain't a killer, but don't push me

Don't wanna have to turn a nigga guts into soup beans

She on Hollywood and Vine (Vine), thinkin' that she Hollywood on Vine (Vine)

Makin' movies with her friends all the time

Showin' off her ass, that's a net twerk (Twerk)

But I saw through it like a wet shirt (Hol' up)

To the light, to the light, I am Carol Anne

If you paying too much attention to my tattoos every single day of your life, then you doing something wrong.

It's unpredictable when my tongue performs Jiu-Jitsu

Cut you with my lyrics, stab you with my pencil (Come on)

You got the roaches in your crib sharin' snacks with your kids

Why do you like Cool J? (It ain't rock 'n' roll!)

'Cause it ain't the glory days with Bruce Springsteen

I'm not a virgin so I know I'll make Madonna scream

Yeah, this shit way too formal, y'all know I don't follow suit

Stacey Dash, most of these girls ain't got a clue

What's the remedy Hennessy, Coke

If you cut all your money, you'd still be half-broke

I really don't pick, I just choose

I don't set picks, I just shoot

Told me I should just quit "first of all, you talk white!

Second off, you talk like you haven't given up yet"

I'm the master of a mic, that's what I say

And if I didn't say that, you'd say it any way

I'm under attack like my name was Saddam

I am the bomb from New York to Milan

And I can write a song sicker than Jeffrey Dahm'

Do you wanna rap or sell coke?

Brothers like you ain't never broke

Now here's a funky introduction of how nice I am

Tell your mother, tell your father, send a telegram

Save a nigga, who, bitch? Do I look like fuckin' Superwoman?

Nobody's thinkin' 'bout you; plus your beef ain't legit

So please, stay off the T-I-P of my di-ahhhhhh!

I'll probably smell like a pound when they put me in a coffin

I'm in love with you, but this is not tennis

And baby stay stacked like she bad at Tetris

I come from the city of dope

It couldn't be saved by John the Pope

Watch these rap niggas get all up in your guts

French vanilla, butter pecan, chocolate deluxe

Even caramel sundaes is getting touched

And scooped in my ice cream truck, Wu tears it up (The ice cream man is coming)

House so big need Kanye lipo

Nikes Off-White like half-time Michael

Him no play, him Bateman psycho

And that yayo shit, that's irrelevant

You can't hide the fact that I'm intelligent

Lucifer calling Jehovah on the Nextel

I don't wanna rape ya, I just want the paper

The Visa, kapeesha? I'm out like The Vapors

Who's thе one you call Mr. Macho

Yes indeed, flows first class and yours is coach like the bag

The Prada mama

A washed-up rapper needs a wash-up

Take that suit off, before I shoot off and tear your roof off

Leave your clothes bloody-red like the nose of Rudolph

Niggas try blockin' my goals, I'ma make it Messi (You see what I did there?)

This ain't my story 'bout rags to riches, more 'bout how I mastered physics (Uh-huh)

I pledge no allеgiance, nigga, fuck the Presidеnt's speeches!

I'm baptized by America and covered in leeches

I can turn your front door to a drug store

Make any kitchen to a lab

Man, I hear these drug stories and I laugh

I'll bend a rapper like a fender, I'm slender but far from tender

And you want some of this Dirty

God made Dirt, and Dirt bust your ass (Nah)

I could wage war or I come in peace like Gandhi