Funny rap lyrics & punchlines: Page 7

But tell me, where the fuck you found an anorexic rapper?

I just like to paint, man. Sometimes it's dark and serious, but other times you need those lighter strokes, so you tell a joke.

She think she bad but I'm better, huh

I got my grub on, but didn't pig out

Finally got a call from a girl I wanna dig out (What's up?)

Hooked it up for later as I hit the door

Thinkin', "Will I live another twenty-four?"

"Now, let me make one thing clear

I don't need to ride yours, I got mine right here"

My flow nuts like M&M's in the yellow bag (Mariah)

When Christmas come around, ask Santa Claus (Santa)

Santa, do you know E-40? (Santa, santa)

Bet you that nigga say "That's my homie!" (Santa)

If you was really sellin' coke, well, then what the fuck

You stop for, dummy? If you slew some crack

You'd make a lot more money than you do from rap (Ha-ha)

Abraham Lincoln got shot and died

Freed the slaves so they put him on the five

How you loving my Southern slang?

Ooh, eee, walla-walla-bing-bang

Nigga still hungry, black Kobayashi

Whip out a .45-caliber pen and begin

A funky message from beginning to end

All young people want to be old one day. That’s the dream career. If the Rolling Stones can get up there and still do it at 80, then why can’t rappers?

I eat the whole pie and leave nothing but the crust

So you can feel what it's like with instinct, but no guts

I write knockout songs, you spit punchlines for money

Oooooh, Hustlers 'R Us

My game sharper than the elephant's tusk

Took the G out your waffle, all you got left is your ego

Bitch, you thirsty, please grab a Sprite

Don't you try to downplay my name (Name)

You're "and others" if I crash this plane (Plane)

Hated recess, I don't play no games

I only roll with originators

Chicks stick to my dick like magnets on refrigerators

'Cause being trill is an onomatopoeia

Be about it like a G, a hater wanna catch you slipping

Try to be a Jordan (Jordan), but settle for a Pippen"

I'm more like the plant in Little Shop of Horrors (Uh-huh)

Checkin' your reflection and tellin' your best friend

Like, "Girl, I think my butt gettin' big!" (Oh)

(Yeah, yeah) I'm one slimy motherfucker (Yeah, yeah), the devil ride my back like camels

So why you criticize me

For the shit that you see on your tv

That rates worse than PG

Y'all can't fuck with me (Me)

Chain around my neck same color as pee (Pee)

The Funkadelic, been rockin' mics since the fourth grade

I Terminate like X and I Terminate like Schwarzeneg'

Nah nigga, yeah, we never stop

No period like menopause

The Mary got me merry, now I'm singing like Mary Mary

I put my life in these sentences

Fucking right, it's either that or life sentences

Kilogram Kickstarter, push a brick harder

Left my elbow in the pot, à la Vince Carter

You wacker than the motherfucker you bit yo' style from

You ain't gon' sell two copies if you press a double album

If kilograms is the proof

I done sold the golden goose

I got 'em, baby, I'm Jim Perdue

Cocaine's Dr. Seuss

Okay

I always got a grip, I never slip, I never panic

Got my Rolex set Pacific, while I fly through the Atlantic

I laugh enough when I am recording them, that’s why I never smile.

Already woke, spared a joke, barely spoke, rarely smoke

Stared at folks when properly provoked, mirror broke

Hey! I'm lookin' down on you niggas

Even though I'm 5'8″ and 195 pound on you niggas

All with no high, I do it so fly

Banksy's attack helicopter with the bow tie

Yo, microphone check one, two, what is this?

The five foot assassin with the roughneck business

Not for one second I believe what you're telling me

I know you invented disease and sell the remedy

The way she moved reminded me of a brown stallion horse with skates on

You know? Smooth, like a hot comb on nappy-ass hair

Why put you in a verse when I can put you in a coroner van?

I run the town like Roc Nation, no exaggeration

Bet I rise like Lazarus, use your imagination

If models are made for modelin'

Thick girls are made for cuddlin'

Switch worlds and we can huddle then

A lot of y'all Hollywood, drama, casted

Cut bitch, camera off, real shit, blast it

I blow my own mind like Nirvana

Comma, and go the whole nine like Madonna

I'm stuck in a time capsule when rap was actually factual

Meaning shit you spit might cause killers to come and clap at you

And out of speakers I did speak

I wore my sneakers but I'm not a sneak

It’s funny how the sun will up and bow to rain

As if the clouds couldn't stand to see me outside again

And in the city, it's a pity 'cause we just can't hide

Tinted windows don't mean nothin', they know who's inside

The square's self aware and dares to self edit

'Cause I'm the numero uno, could never be the dos

'Cause pimpin' ain't easy but it sure is fun

Hoes! Hoes, hoes, in different area codes (Area)

I'm in a new state, a new place with new plates

Shit, damn near a new face

She said, "Where we goin'?" I said, "The moon"

Fuck the road but if anybody's testing me

It's one step away like a 5-a-side penalty

Every Santander Nationwide remembers me

Right pocket full of cards, I'm a referee

Because the rhymes I say sharp as a nail

Witty as can be and not for sale

They just follow us, follow me, follow us, nobody's leading

But everybody eating, or acting like they full

I'm blessed and highly favored, learned the game when I was lil'

Drop your glasses, shake your asses

Face screwed up like you having hot flashes