Funny rap lyrics & punchlines: Page 3

Teddy Pendergrass, cooler than Freddie Jackson sipping a milkshake in a snowstorm

What's your addiction? Is it money? Is it girls? Is it weed?

I've been afflicted by not one, not two, but all three

Still rolling weed on my XXL

Only difference is that's me on the cover

We put an address on the beef like we the post office

I sat back, a vet, and watched beginners winnin' my belts

Burned my bridges, came back a good swimmer like Phelps

He keep pouring out his heart, I'ma leave him on delivered

You try to vote and participate in the government

And the muh'fuckin' Democrats is actin' like Republicans

Just to let you know that everything is straight

I say, "Stank you very much," 'cause we appreciate the hate

She got a light-skinned friend, look like Michael Jackson

Got a dark-skinned friend, look like Michael Jackson

The TV got us reachin' for stars

Not the ones between Venus and Mars

The ones that be readin' for parts

I guess a twinkle in her eye is just a twinkle in her eye

Let's have a toast for the douchebags

Let's have a toast for the assholes

Let's have a toast for the scumbags

Every one of them that I know

So misunderstood, but what's a world without enigma?

I wanna relax with them and spend time to the maximum

But if silence is golden, then me making noise is platinum

She don't got fans, she just got bots

They say success is the best revenge

So I beat DeShay up with the stack of magazines I'm in

I got hit over the head for saying it back then. Of course, now, nobody says they’re doing Hiphop. They all say they are Hiphop.

I got white-folks money that I won't blow

And if you ask why, 'cause the white folks don't

Ayo, Bo knows this (What?) And Bo knows that (What?)

But Bo don't know jack, 'cause Bo can't rap

It's the chicken and the beer that makes Luda keep rappin'

But no pork on my fork, I don't even speak pig Latin

I only play the games that I win at

And stay the same, with more rhymes than there's ways to skin cats

Mind so sharp, I fuck around and cut my head off

Of course I do. Shoot, the worst curse is a lie.

I might just cut all the tongues out your sneakers

Smash your TV from Best Buy

You gon' turn me into Left Eye

Allergic to the counterfeit, impartial to the politics

Named my album "Cherry Bomb" because "Greatest Hits" sounded boring

I bring the table to the table, nigga, why would I need you? (The fuck?)

Man I swear my life is perfect, I could merch it

If I die I'll prolly cry at my own service, igh-igh!

I'm a boss in a skirt, I'm a dog, I'm a flirt

Write a verse while I twerk, I wear Off-White at church

Prolly make the preacher sweat, read the Bible, Jesus wept

I drop science like girls be dropping babies

DOOM is evil, let’s not forget that, but that doesn’t mean I’m evil

R-EVs and i7s turn my garage electric (Yeah)

Too cheap to cop a Bugatti, too gangster for a Tesla (Yeah)

This New Math is whippin' motherfuckers' ass

You wanna know how to rhyme? You better learn how to add

I ain't suicidal

Only thing suicide is suicide doors

Fight for survival

I'm relievin' rappers like Sudafed

You don't want this gun smoke

Learn to text with your nose if your thumb broke

Too many MCs, not enough mics

Exit your show like I exit the turnpike

Competition, I just devour

Like a pit bull against a Chihuahua

Bill Gates don't dangle diamonds in the face

Of peasants when he Microsoft'ing the place

Average emcees is like a TV blooper

MF DOOM, he's like D.B. Cooper

Saturday sinners, Sunday morning at the feet of the Father

Ronald Reagan was a actor, not at all a factor

Just an employee of the country's real masters

You're getting way too big for your boots

You're never too big for the boot

Y'all put up with more shit than a colostomy bag (Fool)

My favorite drink my haters' tears, it calls for celebration, ayy

Money not everything, but I kinda need it though

If it don't make dollars, then it don't make any sense

Excuse me, flows just grow through me

Like trees to branches, cliffs to avalanches

La-di-da-di, I'm going harder

Than coming out the closet to conservative Christian fathers

From Compton to Congress

Set-trippin' all around

Ain't nothin' new but a flu of new Demo-Crips and Re-Blood-icans

Red state versus a blue state—which one you governin'?

My body's a work of art, he eatin' this Van Gogh

It's six years and countin if you think I'm a joke

Me gettin served is like Bill Gates and Oprah goin broke

I'm harder than DJ Khaled playing the fucking quiet game

Lyrically, I dust 'em off like Pledge

I been sellin' dreams to sleepers, nigga

Tell the truth, that's the perfect business

They wanna know why I'm so fly

A girl asked me for a ring and I put one around her whole eye

A penny saved is a penny earned

So I'll be stacking up this copper as the city burn

Cops want to ID us

Hope they as fast as my Adidas

Rapper with a pistol, that made me a shooting star

Tit-for-tat, goin' back and forth is not my passion

Took a trip to Paris to post another caption